Happy birthday to you.

Because I don’t have any children of my own I am still up in the air on the baby names. I know that K names are really hot in Mormon culture right now, you know all the Kirsten’s and Kurstens and so on. On top of that parents spell the names weird in an attempt to set their children apart when in actuality it just becomes a point of frustration their whole life because no one ever gets their name right. It’s like attaching a chip on their shoulder at birth.

The part I question is the Book of Mormon names for kids. I mean if I name my boy Alma or Nephi I am taking away any ability the child may have had to blind in away. But on the other hand you are giving the child a name that represents something and I am behind that.

However weird Mormon names are though I think this couple has us all beat. Turns out there is a couple in Pennsylvania that wanted to give their small boy a name to live up to as well, only when they went to get him a birthday cake they got turned down by the bakery because they felt inscribing a cake with the frosting name of “Adolf Hitler Campbell” pushed the limits of good taste. But the loving parents didn’t stop there, apparently one of their other lucky children got the name of “Aryan” Granted Aryan’s name is stuck in the middle so Adolf really did get the short end of the swastika.

I understand everyone thinks their child is exceptional and some how smarter then all the other children so they deserve a special name to further set them apart. I contend though that a child or adults actions not their name is what will really set them apart. As such putting some strange burden on them like a goofy name is just mean.

One last thing, if I ever meet another stoner who has named their kid “Mary Jane” I will be calling CPS.